What is this blog?
I like to imagine that I’m on a bus watching thoughts trough the window. Occasionally, one of those ideas caught my attention and I take a picture of it. Those photos are what I share here: landscapes of thoughts or experiences that were interesting enough to be translated into words. Inner pictures.
Most posts narrate my attempts to understand reality, to lock it into a concept, a pretty idea that I can store inside my head and feel that I understand something about this life. At the same time, ironically, they give away my lack of ability to do that, to stop questioning, to stop digging into new things.
For many years I wrote these ideas in a chaotic way, just for the fun of writing. When I tried to read them again I noticed it was really hard to understand them, and there were topics that I repeated over and over again. So instead of keep doing that, I intend to order my ideas in a more accessible and organized way. I could have done this in private, but I was also drawn to the idea of taking this thoughts for a walk outside my head and see what happens when they meet with thoughts from other persons.
Welcome to my mind.
About the English version
If you are reading this is because you are in the English version of this site which means that you have probably already run into several grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes. As you can guess, English is not my native language. This site is originally written en Español and then, when the posts are ready, I do all the translation. I know my English is far from perfect, but I feel that by doing the translation by myself, not only I improve my English, but I also deliver to you exactly what I have on my mind (at least that’s what I try). Additionally, I often find new and better ways to express some ideas while I’m translating which leads me to edit the original Spanish version. Everybody wins.
Having said that, if/when you came across some terrible spelling mistakes or if you find that something that I tried to said isn’t very clear, and you want to help a little, please leave me a comment and I will do my best to fix it.
(By the way, I like learning new languages. Now I’m learning Swedish, hopefully at some point in the future I’ll be able to translate all of this into Swedish.)
Who am I?
My Name is David Esteban and I was born in 1986 in Mendoza, Argentina.
Most of the topics I write about can be labelled as “spirituals”, however I don’t consider myself a spiritual person. I have grown a certain rejection to that word… I don’t know exactly why. I guess I don’t like the idea of having to behave in a certain manner so that I can fit in a term. If what I do naturally leads to that, then great!, but I won’t make an effort to create an image of me that look like a spiritual person. I’m not interested in the shell, the mask, the label. I’m not interested in lose weight so that I can wear a peaceful and spiritual persona. I’m more interested in honestly digging into how I’m living my life and see, for example, how in this moment I reject the idea of being spiritual, and then inquiry that rejection. Begin to see that I feel somehow beyond that label, and see how ridiculous that is. I think that’s closer to what I am, than a label.
Something that I do want to say -maybe as a disclaimer- is that I haven’t formally studied philosophy, nor psychology, nor theology, nor anything like that. The things that I write about are experiences or ideas that I have, but they do not have, neither they aspire to have, an academic backing. Also, I don’t receive message from the beyond and I’m not an enlightened being, so what I write doesn’t have any mystical or supernatural support neither. Long story short: you won’t find anything here that is an absolute truth.
I think of this posts as drawings or sculptures: creations of mine that I do just because I like to write and I like to create things. Here, I share these creations with you, what you decide to do with these thoughts is completely up to you. If you find a nice idea, you can take it and apply it to your life. But be aware that you might be reading stuff written by someone who, despite not being clinically detected yet, is probably nuts.
Do you wanna know anything else about me? please ask, and I would gladly answer you.
Why do I write?
Over the years I have read ideas from other people and that had helped me to change, to experience things that I couldn’t have experienced by myself. That’s the same reason why I want to share my ideas: I dream that this can help -even just a little bit- to someone else who is going trough the same things I have been trough and some that I still struggle with (anxiety, stress, obsessions, existential crisis, difficulty to make decisions, etc.) . I’m aware that I have no authority in this matters, and probably is a better idea to read stuff written by people who has successfully reach an state of absolute happiness and peace (which is clearly not my case). However I still want to do this. I want to create an honest space where I can share with you the ideas that I witness, without hiding that sometimes life sucks.
I’ve seen many blogs from psychologists or life coaches that have motivational quotes or methods to “improve” my existence. While I think that some of those blogs are great, I don’t want this blog to be that. On one hand because that is something that already exists, and in the other hand because I want to create something that I personally like. So, besides trying to help others, this is another reason why I share this ideas: I would like to find something like this on the Internet that makes me see that I’m not alone in this sea of non-senses. Maybe it is just a way of helping me.
My posts are not necessarily optimistic, they tend to be weird, long, complicated, but I like it this way. When I’m angry or sad positive messages, affirmations, motivational speeches and those kind of thing, doesn’t have a big impact on me. Maybe they work for somebody else, or maybe at some point of my life, they worked and made me feel good, but they haven’t been a sustainable long term solution. This is why I want to try different things. I want to ask questions, I want to disassemble ideas, with less optimism and more curiosity and honesty.
This space also serves as a log of ideas and things I experience. Sometimes I reread something that I wrote a while ago and feel that it’s nonsense, but other times I feel that what it still makes sense, and it is an idea that I can apply to future situations.
Something that I’ve always wandered is whether or not the authors of self-help books , or the people who publish an specific philosophy of life, actually live according to the ideas they preach. I wonder if they apply to their own lives the things that they suggest we, as readers, should apply to our own lives. I believe that most of them do, but it still is a constant doubt I have (I guess I’m too distrustful). Assuming that you also have the same doubt regarding to the stuff I write, I want to clarify that I do not live according to what I write. I try, but I go back to old habits, I contradict myself, etc. In fact, many insights come precisely out of those conflicts. They appear during those time in which I realize I’m not living in a way that I enjoy.
I firmly believe that ideas should not only be ideas. They should have a practical side. If I’m not able to transpose something that I thought to my real life, then I don’t see the point to even think about it. So my intention is to be able to apply these ideas to my own life, but I acknowledge that is hard and that I still haven’t found an effective way to do it. Probably some ideas will die just being ideas. I’ll do my best to also share with you the things I do to bring ideas to life.
Since my main goal here is to dig into my own life and share whatever result I found, I haven’t think of this blog as a consumer product. Is not my intention to entertain an audience. In other areas of my life I often chase a goal and then I adapt my path in order to achieve that goal. I’m doing the opposite here: I write whatever I want to write, in the way I feel like doing it, and I have no idea where this will lead me. I don’t want to force myself to adapt my ideas so that you leave this place feeling happy, or fill every post with thousands carefully handpicked keywords. This is like a window trough which you can see the rehearsals of a theatre play. This is not the finished piece. If you like what you see, you’re more than welcome to stay.
Another reason to share my ideas is allowing myself to be criticized. This allows my toughs to hit reality. Somebody reading these words might offer me a completely new point of view, and those few words can completely change me. Isn’t that amazing?!. This is also one of the thing I love about the idea of having a blog: we can grow together.
Beyond all that, I enjoy to think and write, that’s why I do it.
Sharing it is an adventure.
Another drawback I find in the “spiritual” movement is that the explanations are often too… I don’t know how to describe them… “romantic”. Sometimes I feel they invite me to believe in things that I don’t completely understand. Don’t get me wrong, I love those readings, I really do!. I have several books, I read blogs, I watch videos I even have a board on pinterest exclusively dedicated to motivational quotes. I’m also aware that if I limit what I believe only to the things I can understand, I might be losing from great things just because they don’t fit trough the stretch door of my rationality. However I prefer to explain the things I live in -what I consider- a more rational way. I need to understand the stuff I write. So I make an effort to create pragmatic texts that are simple, tidy, and relatively logic. I want to reread this in a future and be able to understand what I meant.
I would love to be a more talented writer. I admire those who can combine words with such an ability that, regardless the topic they talk about, you want to read everything they write. I’m aware that I don’t have that gift but I do my best. The most important thing for me, is to be able to put these ideas out there.
You might notice that most of my posts are written in first person. (Once again I’m going to compare this with other blogs… What an obsession!). Other authors when they write they talk to “us”, a group of persons that include him/her and their readers. For example: “In order to have a successful life we should detach from our mind”. Another option is to refer directly to you as a reader: “When you are able to detach from your mind you find true happiness.” Probably there is a very concrete and good reason to write like that, but I don’t know it. I write in first person because I’m talking about ideas I see inside my own head, or experiences I have personally lived. I don’t know anything about you, I don’t know what problems are you facing, and -above all- I don’t know if my insights can be applied successfully to your life. I believe is very naive to think that I can create a magic recipe that will change your life. If you feel identified with something I’ve experienced and what I say bring something good to your life, it would be awesome!. But keep in mind that this is my path and I have no idea where I’m going.
Pricing, copyright and stuff
Everything that I publish is free and will continue that way. (I’m just starting out with this blog, so this may not sound like a big deal right now, but I hope this project grows, and this is a core principle that I want to maintain)
Maybe with the help of a very talented marketing team, several editors and advertising agents, we could create something that might be saleable. But that’s not my main goal here. I write this stuff to help me and help others. This blog isn’t the solution to all mankind’s problems, but if any of what I have written helps another human being, I will feel awesome!! And I don’t want money to be a limit to achieve that.
At some point in the future, I might add a “donate” button somewhere (In case some of you are crazy enough to send money to another crazy dude instead of using it for something else). Nevertheless, EVERYTHING I have written will remain available to EVERYBODY for free, forever. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any problem in receiving money out of this words, but I don’t want to create a cliff between me and potential readers. I don’t want to lose sight of my real goal.
Someone once said to me that, in this world, if I don’t charge in exchange for my work is because I don’t need money. And then she added: “Altruism is well accepted only is you are a multimillionaire.” I’m not a multimillionaire. I’m not even close to be someone with a good monthly income. What I’m trying to say here is that I do this because I like to and I don’t really care what other people think. And as long as I can and want, I will continue writing.
I’m usually reading things about topics that interest me. Some of what I read ends up being a part of me, and therefore it also becomes a part of what I think and write. I find it hard to precisely identify these influences for each idea I write. Whenever I’m able to do it, I include references in the same post so you can track the idea back to it’s origins. But if the post doesn’t have links at the end, you can check the “links” page in which you’ll find the books, videos and authors that have inspired my whole vision of life. I don’t get paid to spread the word of these authors, I simply share the things I’ve seen and I’ve liked. Also, I don’t necessarily agree with everything they say or write, but I have enjoyed their videos or books.
As regards to copyrights, I don’t hold the rights of anything that has been written by someone else, neither I pretend to. Is not my intention to reproduce anything illegally. The ideas that I write “belong” to me, but can be freely reproduced. My ego would appreciate if you mention me somewhere, but the most important thing for me is that the ideas I share grow wings and have their own life. Credits are just a nice gesture.